Although 2020 cancelled my birthday (and literally everything else) last year, it seems that I’m still obligated to skip ahead and proceed turning 23 today regardless. In light of this, I’ve been thinking a lot about the person I have become and the person I want to be; contemplating which of my goals are important to me and asking myself what I can do to be better this year. Sentimentality must be a side effect of ageing because I've been really reflecting on how much life has taught me in my short time with all the lessons I've learnt. You never asked for it, but my gift to you this year is a list of all those lessons. I hope they may help you grow in the same ways they did for me.
Here are 23 lessons that I have gratefully learned in my 23 years:
It may not be your fault, but it's your responsibility Your life is in your hands. Sometimes people will do some shitty things to you, but hear me out… you are in control of your feelings, your mood and your potential. Don’t wear the dirty laundry of others - you are in charge of your own character!
GET OVER YOURSELF. In a time where narcissism seems to be a social epidemic, let me remind you to GET OVER YOURSELF. The world does not revolve around you. You can practise self love and appreciation without entitlement.
Drink when you drink. This is for those of you who keep waking up in spinning rooms with debilitating hangovers (I feel you). Hydrate throughout the night and find yourself at the water station regularly… It’s a marathon, not a race people!
Focus on how you feel, not how you look. This one took me a long time to “unlearn” from the narrative I began to tell myself from an early age. I get it; It seems impossible to convince yourself that your looks don’t matter when we are consistently told otherwise by the world. But let me assure you this - You will never look good enough. No one will. Treat yourself with some respect and practise authentic self love. Eat healthy, stay active and do your mind and body some fucking favours!
Take accountability for your actions. Seriously, say sorry and mean it. It may be hard to do but burning bridges is harder. You would be surprised by how meaningful those words are and how much power they have in strengthening your relationships. Don’t be the person that neglects your mistakes - own them and do better next time!
Surround yourself with people that you aspire to be like. If you’re younger, you may hear a lot of adults tell you this and my God it’s true. I was always convinced that this was a fallacy growing up, but the people that you surround yourself with shape your mannerisms, your aspirations and your standards. Decide what your standards are and find people that will challenge you to excel them.
Breathe through everything you do. Life’s biggest magic trick. Whether you’re eating, exercising, sleeping, studying or even watching TV; don’t forget to inhale and exhale! Do it now. Doing so will allow you to engage in every subtle moment of your life and grant it with intention. Spare me the eye-roll and just trust me on this one!
Write down everything you feel; especially the bad. When you find yourself in an inevitable rut, it will feel challenging to commit to doing anything but I provoke you to pick up a pen or pull up notes on your phone. Write down how you’re currently feeling and include every little detail. When you find yourself escaping that dark pit (which you will), read back on your struggles and commend yourself for pulling yourself out of it!
Check in with your friends. You may not think it’s necessary, but do it anyway. As one person, you may not be able to change the world but you can change the world of one person. So begin with your friends and never stop doing it!
Check in with yourself. Always. Don’t be an unconscious person. Call yourself out. Ask yourself if you’re okay. Check if you need any external help. Don’t give up on yourself.
Save your money and start right now! If you’re currently feeling attacked, don’t worry, so am I. If I had begun saving my money from when I started working over 9 years ago, I wouldn’t be eating mi goreng for dinner right now. Start a savings account today and block it if you need to (I know I do).
A regular sleep schedule is the answer to all of your problems. Need I elaborate? Napping and sleep deprivation is not it sis. Prioritise a healthy sleep routine and your life will become so much more effortless!
Forgive, but don’t forget. Again, you are in control of your feelings. Forgiving someone doesn’t make you “weak” or a “push over” - you can still diffuse unneeded conflict and be in control. Moving on from a situation but learning from it shows the truest form of maturity. You will also be doing yourself a favour!
Put your phone down. No seriously, it’s toxic as fuck. I don’t know about you, but I feel my energy exhausting twice as fast when I’m scrolling through my phone. I challenge you to either delete your social apps for a week or leave your phone at home today.
Travel. Travel. Travel. Travel. Okay sure, with Covid this may be a bit of a stretch but as soon as we are allowed to book those tickets, I'll be on that plane! Travelling is an investment. I will assure you that you will learn more life lessons abroad in six days than you have in your six years of high school. I also encourage you to take one trip alone!
Your content sets the mood for your life. I think that many of us (especially younger generations) underestimate this sentiment. Don’t be fooled. The shows you watch and the music you listen to subconsciously influence your days. Listening to a true crime podcast at 8 in the morning? Don’t be surprised if you walk into work feeling a bit low. Choose wisely with your media!
Say yes to the things that scare you. This is something that I need to keep repeating to myself and something that I am still working on today. I will admit that I am a personally diagnosed ‘pussy’ and need to take more chances that scare the shit out of me; but self growth is vital in life and facing our fears accelerate that growth by 1000%.
Say no to the things that intuitively unsettle you. Acknowledge the difference between fear and unsettlement. Trust your gut and escape situations or people that demand you to question your safety or peace. Say no and say it with pride.
Spend more time outdoors. My great aunt told me that once you are forced to lay in a hospital bed there is nothing you crave more than being outdoors; so stop taking it for granted. Indulge in your longevity and in this life while you can!
Stop complaining about things and people. Hearing people consistently complain about things and people is painfully crippling. Stop being a bitch. Your life may suck right now and it’s okay for it to suck, but when you consistently complain about things that you can change, then you aren’t doing yourself (or anyone else) any favours.
Cry more and do it proudly. Your tears are liquidated therapy! Crying validates our humanity and offers others the space to also be vulnerable. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self to just let it all out… maybe then I wouldn’t have been so moody all the time.
Relinquish your attachment I think that many people see detachment as a form of giving up on things, people and aspirations but sometimes things are just not supposed to be in your life anymore. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
STOP WASTING TIME!
If there is one over arching lesson that I’ve learnt, it’s that time only speeds up more with every passing day. The things that once demanded a lot of work and effort end up becoming mindless habitual behaviour, and pieces of the world that you once found exquisite end up becoming mundane and familiar. Please remember that life is always as astonishing as the day you first saw it. Seek out those moments of beauty, appreciate every person you encounter today and ENJOY the human experience. It’s not complicated. It’s not enigmatic. There is no purpose to your existence. Just. Enjoy. Being. Here!
If these lessons may not coincide with your beliefs or if I have missed any that you think are deeply important, then I would love to hear your thoughts! I hope I can move forward into my next 23 years with a mind committed to admiring, learning and growing. Until then, I will carry these lessons with me and hope you may consider doing so as well! - Chlo xx
